Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
