My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
