i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
