is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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