Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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