You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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