God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
