hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
