guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
