Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize
