Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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