Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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