my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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