Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
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