I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
