Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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