There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
