i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I have aggressive nipples.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
