Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
