Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
