Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
