I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
