I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
