This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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