so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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