what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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