I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
