I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
