Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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