He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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