If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
