there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I want a musical about memes.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
