You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
