Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
