I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
