i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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