hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
