Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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