I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
