shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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