So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
