And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
