just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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