..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
