He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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