Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
