dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
