i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
