are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Randomize
