Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
