Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
