Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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